Ultra Independence is a Trauma Response
Ultra-independence is a trauma response.
This stopped me in my scroll on Facebook.
For a long time, I wanted to try to do all the things by myself.
I was NOT going to ask for help, look like I needed help or fail in doing it all myself.
I didn’t want to feel vulnerable by asking. Because being vulnerable meant you could get hurt.
I didn’t want to need help.
I wasn’t going to allow myself to be hurt or disappointed.
But holy shit, this was a lonely, closed off and connectionless way to live.
My brain was telling me if I did it all myself then I wouldn’t be hurt. I would avoid pain.
But the opposite was true.
I wouldn’t let people get too close and I was pretty miserable.
I’ve gotten a lot better about not taking on all the things! But my wife will still remind me that, “you don’t have to do it all yourself.” Thanks honey…
I’m also asking for help with small and big things. And ‘ya know what? I’m living to tell the story; I have A LOT more energy and my heart is happier because I have an amazing tribe of friends and family who know the real me.
If you feel like I used to, I encourage you to test your theory. Ask a friend or your spouse to do something for you that you’d usually do yourself. Just for funzies. You’ll see that you’ll survive, they’ll probably be happy to help, and you’ll start to change your mind about having to do everything yourself.
Because that’s no way to live.
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