I’ve been feeling some feels this week that I couldn’t identify. I was feeling irritable, grouchy, eating more chocolate than my body was comfortable with and generally feeling like everything was wrong and shouldn’t be this way. I was arguing with reality. Hard.
My brain is so uncomfortable with this new way of COVID life because everything feels different. It’s been resisting what is. My inner toddler was throwing a tantrum because everything was feeling scary and out of her control.
I remembered feeling this way when my Dad died and when we had to say goodbye to our chocolate Lab, Coco. I realized I was feeling grief. My body and mind were trying to feel grief. It was surfacing and I was shoving it down and resisting it. Like trying to shove a beach ball under water.
98% of our lives have been turned upside down. So much of the way we did things 2 months ago is out the window. It kind of feels like ancient history and we don’t know when we’ll begin to go back in that direction.
But the hard truth is that we’re tough, resilient and capable of SO much more that we think! We rarely give ourselves credit for the really tough situations we’ve overcome! We can do this. We’re creative, resourceful and so damn amazing for 100 reasons!
This morning I made peace with the grief. I welcomed it in and allowed myself to feel it. Like letting a wave wash over me instead of trying to stop it. Trying to stop it leads me to make choices I regret and keeps me from fully showing up. But I’m not going to beat myself up about the resistance. This time. This time I’m going to be as gentle with myself as I did with our puppies when I was house training them. Getting upset when they’d have an accident would never achieve our goal. So why do I think getting upset with myself for something I wish I didn’t do or say will get me the result I want? That’s just a shaming reaction I learned long ago. But not one I need to keep.
I share this with you because I’m hearing from my clients that they’re feeling grief too. And to let you know that it’s normal, natural and I invite you to allow it to wash over you like a wave.
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